Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
          
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
 A: Because they are…

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them
forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one
would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????…..

Q: What did God say after he created man?
 A: I can do better than this! And then he created
woman!!!.

Q: What’s the difference between an intelligent man & a
UFO ?
 A: I don’t know, I’ve never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own
business?
 A:      i) no mind            ii) no business

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
 A: Because even back then men wouldn’t ask for directions .

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink…

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?

A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have
no intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he’s God’s gift?
 A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
 A: Opposites attract.

Wife: What are you doing?

Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing …? You’ve been reading our marriage     certificate for an hour !
Husband : I was looking for the expiry date.
——————————————————————–
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure ! What are my choices ? 
Wife : Yes and no.
——————————————————————–
Wife: You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why ?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible,   I look at your picture, and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you ?
Hubby: Yes! I see your picture and ask myself —
 what other problem can be greater than this one ? 
——————————————————————–
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your
 worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any  worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet !
——————————————————————–
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning,  he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.

——————————————————————– 
A newly married man asked his wife
 ” Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune ? “
“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly,
” I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE ! “ 
——————————————————————–
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the early warning. 
——————————————————————–

A wife asked her husband:
What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 
I like your sense of humor.

A hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and
are told
that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to
feature
pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the
CEOs is
then told, privately, that their company’s software is running the
aircraft’s automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly
leave the
aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm
indeed.Asked why
he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies : “If 
it is
the same software that runs my company’s IT systems, this plane won’t
even
take off.” !!!!That is called Confidence!!!

Hi all,
If you have been in IT industry too long these are your symptoms:
1.) U use phrases like “No issues” and “Value addition” in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your doodhwalla, U say, “His milk does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues”


2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.


3.) U drink more tea or coffee than water.


4.) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)


5.) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive thecall.


6.) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial “0″to get an outside line.


7.) U haven’t played Solitaire with real cards in years.


8.) Ur last crush was a girl in HR, ur current crush is the new girl in HR and all ur crushes in the future willbe girls in HR.


9.) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.


10.) Ur important ‘meetings’ usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.


11) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind you at the exam.


13.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going.


14.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.


15.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends who are also in IT.


16.)U r too busy to notice there was no line no. 12


17.)U r not sure so u scroll back check it .


18.)And now u r smiling!!!!


Am sure u did steps 16 to 18.

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time .

He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh Then goes thru his certificates and then starts asking him questions.

Following is the transcript :

O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites

S : Yes Sir.

Officer started asking questions

O : Above

S : Below

O : Front

S : Back

O : Left

S : Right

O : Male

S : Female

O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)

S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

O : Ugly…U-G-L- Y( Officer spells it)

S : Pichhly…P- I-C-H-H-L- Y( Our Santa Singh also spells it)

O : U…..G….. L …… Y…..(Officer shouts)

S : P ….. I ….. C ….. H ……. H …… L ….. Y……

Our Santa Singh also shouts)

Officer is now angry.

O : Get out

S : Come in.

O : Quiet please.

S : Talk please.

O : You are rejected.

S : I am selected …….. ……. And This is how Santa Singh got his job.

Taza hawa ka jhoka aaya.. Khushbu teri sath laya…Phir mere dil me khayal aaya…Ke lagta hay ki…Aaj bhi tu.. Nahi “NAHAYA”